It's my birthday… Well, at least I think it is. I know that we’re supposed to be celebrating the day I was born but I’m not sure who gets to decide how we do that?
I'm turning 4.4
(After 40 everything is an upgrade)
Now usually when it's your birthday, it's all about you. Or at least that's what I've heard.
This year my birthday falls on a Friday, and I decided to take the whole week off. And that's when the problems began.
As an Enneagram Coach I’ve taught others about the shadow side of Nines and that in their desire to find harmony with others, they can lose themselves in the hopes and motivations of others. As a Nine myself I know this to be true, but to be honest, I've never experienced it quite like this.
Here's the situation; normally when there is a birthday in our family we have some kind of celebration over dinner.
For my middle child who just turned 12, he wanted Daddy's Homemade BBQ ribs - DONE.
For my oldest whose 16th birthday is a few weeks after mine, he wants to have Daddy's Chicken and Waffles. - Done.
For my birthday, which is in a couple of days, I don't know what I want... I literally have no idea.
This indecision is driving my Type Six wife crazy because she can't plan appropriately. In the last week and a half, I've changed my mind every day several times a day. My mom offered to take our whole family out for dinner at her fave new restaurant. I said yes, then no, then yes-no again.
My wife offered to cook steaks at home. I said yes, then no, then maybe, then we'll see.
Then it hit me over coffee this morning when I put on my Nine lenses. As a Nine, I can see everyone's perspective and all of the possibilities and opportunities. And I can see how they're all good, how they are all valid and how they can make other people happy, which in turn will bring me harmony.
My mom would love to go to her restaurant.
My wife would love not to have to cook.
My kids would love to hang out at home with their cousins.
It wasn't until my coffee, and my counterphobic Six wife's ultimatum, that I started to think about what I actually wanted.
What would make me happy?
What was my desire?
How did I want to celebrate?
Trying to figure this out was hard, which would be uncommon for anyone else but is pretty standard for a Nine.
Have you ever struggled with figuring out your motivation behind your behaviour? Have you ever wondered why you slip into the same unhealthy or unproductive habits or patterns? Have you ever wondered if there were a way to stop frustrating your significant other?
Enneagram coaching can help you with any of these issues while showing you how to live the life you were designed for. And I'd love to show you how. To sign up for a free 30-minute consultation or to book a coaching session, just click on the link below.