I first heard of the Enneagram through the ‘Relevant Podcast.’ Every few episodes, one of the cast members would talk about their “number” or refer to another cast member’s number. Then they’d go off on a tangent about what that number meant or how they were being so “7” ish. Initially, I’d just ignore them or just fast forward that part. At that time, Shauna Niequest was a regular on the show, and, as only Shauna can, she would exude excitement and enthusiasm for this new type of personality inventory. She would do a deeper dive into wings and arrows, healthy and unhealthy stuff, and I would wish that someone would shoot me with an arrow and put me out of my misery. Needless to say, at first, I dismissed the Enneagram as a weird fad. There were so many numbers, and it sounded so hard to grasp. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Then my wife asked for a separation, and my life fell apart.
During this process, there were a couple of important decisions I made that would radically impact my life. First, I was going to talk to as many people as I could about what it meant to be divorced, both for myself and my two young boys. I had no idea what was coming for me, but I wanted to be as prepared as possible.
The second thing I decided was that no matter what happened, if there was reconciliation or if I became another statistic, I wanted to become a better man on the other side.
Fast forward a few years. Unfortunately, reconciliation wasn’t possible. So now I had to figure out how to do life as a single, divorced dad while still striving to become “a better man.” This involved a lot of counselling, therapy, books, blogs, mentors, conversations and tears. It was a long, painful process to understand my new life and how to exist at the end of a 12-year marriage.
When it comes to figuring out how to be a “better man”, I feel I need to clarify a bit. I have an undergraduate degree in psychology and was at one point pursuing a Master’s of divinity in counselling. I mention this just to show that I am quite familiar with personality theory as well as personality inventories and assessments.
On the Meyers Briggs, I’m an ENFJ
Golden: ENFA
Strength Finders: Positivity, Strategic, Maximizer, Arranger, Includer
Spiritual Gifts: Faith, Exhortation, Teaching
DISC: Steadiness, Compliance, Influence, Dominance.
Birkman: Red (Doer)
Just to name a few.
I thought I had a pretty good understanding of who I was, but still, I hadn’t found any resource that would help me be a “better man.”
Fast forward several years. I’m on a work trip out west. I knew we would have some downtime once the conference was over, so I came prepared with a new book I purchased. I decided it was time to see what all the hype was about. It was then that I finally sat down at a local cafe and took an Enneagram test. I purchased the book “The Wisdom of the Enneagram” by Don Richard Russo and Russ Hudson. I took the test, tallied the result, read the description... Then I got mad.
What do you mean I’m a Peacemaker???
What do you mean I’m in the anger triad???
What do you mean I suffer from sloth???
As I sat there stewing and working over my results and reading the descriptions and attributes of a Type Nine, something happened. I started to see myself with clarity and accuracy that I had never known before, both the good and challenging things. This weird, ancient personality type indicator was able to put words to my motivation, explain my habits and behaviours, and show me why I focused on what I did. It understood me in a way that no other test had and frankly, very few people did. It was wild, wonderful, and terribly vulnerable, but finally, I had found something that would be able to speak to and correct the lies I had believed about myself for so long. It fully showed me how to be me.
It’s not an understatement to say that the Enneagram has changed my life. I genuinely believe that it has the power to show you how to live the life you were designed for. This is how the Enneagram and I met. How did you meet the Enneagram? Would you like to meet the Enneagram? If so, I think I know a guy who can make an introduction.... (hint, hint...it’s Me).
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